Sad Sad Sad past few weeks for me.

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kgschlosser
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Sad Sad Sad past few weeks for me.

Post by kgschlosser » Fri Jan 10, 2020 7:22 am

My English Bulldog Gus(Bubba) passed away December 18th 2019 at 20:30. He passed away in my arms as I was looking into his eyes, I watched his eyes go dark.

It has been a very hard few weeks for me. I had a very special bond with Gus. He was not supposed to have been adopted because of aggression. had had been returned 2 times before. he was supposed to have been euthanized.

Gus had a rough first couple of years in his life. He had been abused pretty badly. Broken teeth, he wouldn't let anyone touch his face, He was not fed properly... I could see in his eyes the Gus he wanted to be. The one he should have been able to be.. It took me 2 hours to convince the adoption people to take him.. It actually all came down to a single comment I made.

"It doesn't matter if we never get along, He will live a full life. There is no reason why he should be killed because of what a person did to him. A person did this to him, and family is going to undo it."

It took about 2 years, a lot of "arguments" and I have scars from him to make sure I never forget.. I did get through to him. I was not his owner or his master, I treated him as an equal. My wife and I got Gus at the age of 7 and he was apart of our family for 7 years. 14 is a rare age for English Bulldogs to get to, 8.5 is the average. I keep on looking in the places he would usually be.. When I am at my computer he would always be under the desk.. I look and he is not there... It hurts really bad each time this happens. Had we not had the difficulties that we had in the beginning I do not think the bond would have been as close as it was. He went everywhere with me. He loved going to home depot, he would jump up on the flat cart and I would push him around the store. Standing there with his chin held high as proud as proud could be.. Everyone would stop and look,, some would point.. They all would come over and say hi to him.

I am not exactly sure what it is he took with him when he left. Everything is different. It's not the same anymore. Waking up in the morning is not something that I enjoy or even look forward to.. and neither is going to sleep at night. The noises that he made and drove me bonkers with I long to hear. I knew he was passing for several months. and as much as I though I was prepared I was not prepared for this feeling. I have had many pets in the past and they have also gone.. and I was and still am sad about them leaving, but I never knew that this much sorrow, rage, frustration, hurt, confusion existed inside of me or anyone for that matter. I feel like I wander without direction or a purpose, but I do not want to do any of the tasks I need to do. I cannot keep my thoughts in a single direction for any length of time.

I know this will subside some, I also know it will never go away completely. Someone saw fit to not provide me with the ability to have children. All the knowledge I have and I am not able to pass it forward. Gus is very much like a son to me, and that is probably why I am going through this kind of hurt.

All of the animals my wife and I have had have all been rescue. This weekend on Sunday my wife and I are going to have a meet and greet with an English Bulldog that is available for adoption. He is a rescue from a puppy mill. so no skills interacting with people. and he has pretty much live in a crate/cage all of his life. I saw a photo of him on the internet and I see the same thing in his eyes that I saw in Gus's the day we welcomed him into our family. I know that Gus will never be replaced and this is not an attempt to do that. He has taken a piece of my heart with him and that spot will never be able to be filled. I am hoping that bringing another troubled bully into my home is going to give me purpose.. something to look forward to when I wake up.

If I am not around as often as I was it will most likely be because of an addition to our family. He is going to have to be taught all of the things he should have learned as a puppy. right down to the basics. like going to the bathroom outside.

This is hands down the hardest thing I have ever had to write. and on that note I am going to go and lay down and attempt to fall asleep. I have been up for 3 days and I am hoping that writing this would give me an exit point for some of the thought I am having. possibly enough where I will be able to sleep.

I am going to say my sorry now for possibly not being as helpful, or being scatter brained. Please be patient with me it is going to take a long time for me to have closure and accept him being gone.


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kkl
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Re: Sad Sad Sad past few weeks for me.

Post by kkl » Sun Jan 12, 2020 10:44 pm

That is so sad. I know how painful and heartbreaking it is to lose a furry family member. You have my sincerest condolences.

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Re: Sad Sad Sad past few weeks for me.

Post by kgschlosser » Mon Jan 13, 2020 7:56 am

thanks brutha. I do appreciate it... I went today to look at a bully to adopt.. as soon as he gets neutered my wife and I will be picking him up. I think that might be next weekend or possibly the weekend after. I was also looking at bulldog puppies and am considering getting a puppy as well. it's a time thing. Most english bulldogs that end up in the rescues here are typically 7-8 years old. and with average lifespan of 8.5 years it doesn't leave a whole lot of time. I lucked out with Gus he was 7 when we got him and he lived to be 14. the 2 I had before him one passed at 8 years old. went to sleep and didn't wake up.. the other passed at 6 years old, cancer.. the one that passed at 8 years old we got her when she was about 5years old I think. and the one that passed from cancer we only had for a year and a half before he passed.

I am wanting more time I guess. I want to still do the rescue.. Not to common to see a young bulldog in a rescue tho. well not in my state anyhow. go to California there are tons of them
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Re: Sad Sad Sad past few weeks for me.

Post by skribb » Mon Jan 13, 2020 8:58 pm

my condolences :(
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Re: Sad Sad Sad past few weeks for me.

Post by piert » Tue Jan 14, 2020 9:26 am

Sorry to hear that, Kevin. I am sure Gus will always have a special place in your heart and that the new dog will earn its own place in it over time.
Wishing you strength!

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Re: Sad Sad Sad past few weeks for me.

Post by kgschlosser » Tue Jan 14, 2020 10:19 pm

thanks guys. I appreciate the posts. I wanted to let everyone know where I was mentally and that I have not really been in the game.. The 6 months before he passed I was spending a large amount of time with him as I knew it was coming. I spent many hours laying next to him with his head on my arm so he was able to sleep. and where he would want to lay down was in the kitchen. not much to do in there when laying on the floor unable to move without him waking up.

I feel like there was something more I could have done for him. But I know there wasn't.. if that makes any sense..
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Re: Sad Sad Sad past few weeks for me.

Post by kgschlosser » Mon Feb 17, 2020 10:50 am

I wanted to give everyone an update. I am doing better but still sad about my buddy leaving. It still hurts an awful lot. The first week in February was a busy week for me. I adopted an English Bulldog from a rescue that only deals with dogs that come from puppy mills. these are the dogs that are used to breed. Walter is the name of the guy I adopted. He is 7-8ish years old. He has some medical issues but nothing to crazy. He has lived his whole life in a cage and has had hardly any interaction with people. He is experiencing everything for the first time so he is very much a puppy in that respect. it took me 3 days to house break him, he does still have the occasional accident and those will slow down and go away as time passes.


It has been amazing to see the changes in him over the past 2 weeks. He was extremely skittish and now he is a bundle of love. he is always smiling and has a bounce in his step all the time. He is always following me around and he is engaging people instead of cowering and being afraid. I did learn last week that he had been abused. his paw had been broken and he gas impact scarring on him. I did notice the scars and I thought that he may have had some physical abuse and my vet confirmed it. Walter has Heartworm and he is going to be starting the treatment for that in 2 weeks. The adoption place was going to do the treatment and I told them that my wife and I would do that and they would not have to worry about the expense of having it done. They waived the 300 dollar adoption fee which we turned around and gave them 300 dollars as a donation anyway. When we went to the vet he told us the heartworm treatment would be free of charge. He wanted to contribute in some way, My vet is awesome, he is not in it for the money. he loves the animals.

we were not expecting to be able to adopt Walter when we did due to some of his medical issues. We had looked into getting an English Bulldog from a private breeder. We did our homework and interviewed the breeder. On the same day we were to pick up the puppy we also made a visit to the rescue to see Walter. To our surprise we were able to take him home. we left the rescue and headed to pick up the puppy. Our Vet stated that getting the puppy was probably the best thing that could have been done to help Walter with getting used to his new environment and what life should have been and will be for the rest of his days. We did not even think of this.

Both Walter and Deogee (d-o-g) get along great, we also have a cat Noname (no-na-me) who has taken a few weeks to settle into the idea that the dogs are not leaving. Noname has been around dogs since he was 8 weeks old (English Bulldogs) but is pissed off that there are new ones in the house. I think he is mad because he is no longer the king of the hill. He is starting to behave more like he did when Gus was alive. The tormenting and teasing has started over the past few days. there has been a few face to face encounters without any wild reactions from either side. The cat mostly likes to sit on the stairs staring at the dogs which gets the dogs all wound up. He knows the dogs are not able to get to him and he is doing it on purpose. Noname used to do "drive by smacking" to Gus. this was running by fast while Gus was sleeping and slapping him in the face with his paw. He would do this repeatedly each time just after Gus closed his eyes and fell back asleep. It was funny to watch because the cat would be gone before Gus had a chance to open his eyes. Gus would look around and see nothing and the expression on his face was the kind of expression seen in someone thinking they are going crazy.

and to add to the mayhem the breeder that we got the pup from called us. There is a family that has 2 bullys that are 9 months old that need a home. they are siblings (sisters) and are no longer able to be taken care of. The puppies were gotten from this breeder and everything is known about them and all medical records and will be provided. The first people the breeder thought of was my wife and I. So we will be adding 2 more bullies to the family at the end of the month. Well what else do you do with a 2300 sqft house an acre of fenced in yard and no children... I can't wait to see the expression on the cats face when 2 more bullies are brought in... My wife and I are the ones that are going to end up getting the "drive by smacking" from the cat.

I am not one to "sell" a charity (well myself excluded!) If you have wanted to donate to EventGhost or to me redirect that donation to the rescue where I got Walter from. https://nmdr.org/ It would mean the world to them and also to me. It is a very special bunch of people that volunteer at this place. They have something in them that I do not. They are able to transform and channel the anger into love and care. They rescue dogs from all over the United States and they bring them here to Colorado. They do what a lot of rescues do not, they take care of all existing medical needs for the dog before letting the dog go for adoption, right down to dental hygiene.

What pains me the most is that these dogs do not know what it is like live outside of a cage and to be loved. Walter is between 7 and 8 years old, the pads on his feet are almost identical to the puppies. They are soft and not calloused. He has tightened muscles in his back near his ass and he walks like he has Frankenstein legs, knees locked on his rear legs. This is from him sitting most of his life and not being able to run and jump and move around a whole lot. I get so angered because there are people that do this. I could never work at a rescue that handles these kinds of animals day in and day out. after a day I would end up driving to one of these puppy mills and I would leave a lasting "impression" on that person (if you get my meaning).

I have been massaging the muscles in his lower back and working his back legs manually moving them. His walk and posture are improving greatly, I think once spring arrives and the snow is gone he will have the ability to run and jump and move around as much as he likes on the yard, chasing the deer around is going to do wonders for him. Gus had been abused by person(s) so he knew bad things from people. Walter does not know people at all. Gus knew what life outside of a cage is. Walter didn't. The changes taking place in Walter is something I am not able to really describe. His eyes are much like that of a newborn child but also show an enormous amount of thanks and happiness.

Here are a couple of photos of Walter when we first met him. I want you to pay attention to his eyes.
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and here are 2 of him recently. after about 2 weeks with us.

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and a few of the puppy
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IMG_20200129_113729.jpg
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